Saturday, March 17, 2012

One Big Fat Excuse

So I have had the intention to lose weight my entire life. I mean I've been on a mental diet since well as long as I can remember. (Mental diet meaning that I start diets and fail in a everyday cycle) I remember as a small child I grew faster than the other kids. I mean I was 5'5" in 6th grade  and no I haven't grew an inch since, so with that I just kept eating like normal kids do (crap) but since I was no longer growing up I grew out. In 8th grade I remember weighing 175 lbs. My thought was if I just don't put on any more weight I will be fine. HA who doesn't gain weight in high school and college??? So needless to say I graduated high school staying in that range of 180-190 lbs then in college I jumped to 230 lbs and for five years after that I jumped back in forth from 230-200 then back. Now I sit here typing this at 245 lbs. and just want to cry because that is 10 lbs less then my highest ever but seriously what happened??? and why am I still here. Obviously I could sit here and blame all kinds of stress and events but when it boils down to it. I haven't made me a priority even when I think I am its half ass.

This is seriously one of the hardest things for me to type and even harder to put out there. I feel like I'm standing naked in the middle of time square, but its what I need. Face the truth! See what I have become and fix it. Put me first. Not let life become one big excuse.

I know most of the people who follow my blog workout lots and have their own weight issues weather you just don't feel comfortable with the 5 extra pounds on you. It's about what is comfortable for you and what works for you. I can honestly say its been so long since I've felt good about my body that I don't know what that number or even feeling is looks like, but I will say that today marks a new day. A day to cut the crap and get down to the truth of my issues and not just my weight. This blog will become a complete look into things helping me find me again.  Which is a joke since I think my last post was something similar to this. In the blog thought at least. But I'm going to honest and 100% real. I ask you not to judge me or those whom may comment with their own struggles because this is hard. One of the hardest things again remember I'm standing naked in times square here.

My husband asked me something today and I didn't have an answer so that is goal one.

"What is holding you back? What is keeping you from pushing yourself ?"

I sat there thinking about this for a long time and all excuses set aside I had no real honest answer.

So today I will walk a mile, may not seem like much but it is a starting place. So today is day one and I will check back in here on day 4.

I hope you have a great St.Patrick's day and wear lots of green.

1 comment:

Celia said...

good luck!!! creating a great fitness routine/healthy eating routine that works for you is hard work, but you CAN do it! =) Don't punish yourself if you fall off, just jump back on.